第2話「子守唄はロックンロール」Our Very First Night（英語のみ）

第2話「子守唄はロックンロール」Our Very First Night（英語のみ）　フルハウス・シーズン１（第１シーズン）のスクリプト

[Scene1: Michelle's Room. Jesse and Joey are changing her diaper.]

Jesse: All right.

Joey: And the diaper is...ON

Jesse: Beautiful! 17 minutes. We beat our old record by 37 minutes. (They high-five each other)

Joey and Jesse: Baby wipe. (They wipe their hands and threw the baby wipes into a trash basket.)

Joey: Hold it. I'm about to make a quantum leap in diaper theory.

Jesse: Go with it, go with it.

Joey: If we triple the diaper, we get three times the protection, but we change her one third as often.

Jesse: Loving it, loving it. We put two diapers together, and Michelle Tanner, come on down.

Joey: The other way to go is to tie a hefty bag around her waist. That way we'd only have to change her on trash day.

Jesse: Junior jammie time. Ha!

Joey: It's you!

Jesse: All right. Here we go. We put the leg in...like....so...simply...uh...we tie...like this...very nice.

Joey: Wow! Snagging a plan. I suggest we go with the lovely two-piece ensemble from baby Armani.

Jesse: Using your head, Joseph. Using your head. All right. Here you go.

Joey: Oh yuppie baby.

Jesse: Oh, this is good.

(Danny walks in)

Danny: Ok I got the girls...

Joey and Jesse: TADA!!!

Danny: Gentlemen. Tarzan, who was raised in the jungle by apes, went to bed in better shape than that baby.

Jesse: Big deal. You're talking about a guy who wore diapers his entire life.

Danny: I really appreciate the effort, but I'll take it from here.

Jesse: Oh yeah, sure. Now that all the work is done. Goodnight, Michelle.

Joey: (imitating a baby) Goodnight, Uncle Jesse. Next time you see me, I'll have a big surprise for you. I don't care how many diapers I have on. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

Danny: (Taking Michelle) Give me my kid! (to Michelle) Oh! You really are a good sport.

[Scene2: Jesse's Room. He is singing. Stephanie walks in.]

Stephanie: Hi, Uncle Jesse.

Jesse: How are you doing, kid?

Stephanie: (looking around) What's happened to my room?

Jesse: It's pretty cool, huh? Look at this! I hung Elvis up here.

Stephanie: Over my bunnies?

Jesse: Stephanie, your bunnies are very...pink.

Stephanie: My mom made these bunnies just for me. Don't you like them?

Jesse: (takes off the poster) These bunnies. I love these bunnies. I'm sure Elvis had bunnies hanging all over Graceland.

(Danny walks in)

Danny: Ok riddle time. What had blond hair, purple pajamas, and is up way past their bedtime?

Stephanie: Um...Elvis?

(Joey walks in)

Joey: Steph, the Sandman Express is coming. All aboard.

(Stephanie gets on Joey's back)

Stephanie: HO HO

Jesse: (to Danny) You see that? Any of your ape friends do that for Tarzan?

[Scene3: DJ and Stephanie's room. Stephanie and Joey comes in while DJ is already in bed.]

Joey: Next stop...Stephanie's bed.

Stephanie: Thank you, Sandman Express.

Joey: And the Sandman Express runs every night.

DJ: If I get on now, will you drop me off at the nearest hotel?

(Danny and Jesse walk in)

Danny: Ok, let's say goodnight.

Jesse: Alright, goodnight junior babes.

Stephanie: Uncle Jesse, tell us a bedtime story.

Jesse: Uncle Jesse doesn't know any bedtime stories.

Stephanie: Yes he does.

Jesse: No he doesn't.

Stephanie: Yes he does.

Jesse: (sternly) No he doesn't.

Stephanie: (pretending crying. Rubbing her eyes) Yes he dooooes.

Jesse: I'll make one up!

Stephanie: Yeeeeahhhhh!!!

Jesse: Alright fellas, help me out here.

Joey: We'll make it to a game. Steph, you start the story and you girls point to us when you want someone else to take over.

Stephanie: Ok. Once upon a time there was a pretty girl named Cinderella. (points to Danny) Daddy.

Danny: And uh.. Cinderella wanted to go to this big fancy ball. And on the way she wandered into this cabin, and she fell asleep in Papa Bear's bed.

Stephanie: I don't think so.

Danny: No wait honey, it gets better. She's on the bed, she's out like a light, when all of a sudden....

Stephanie: Gaaa! Joey...

Joey: Um..when Cinderella woke up, she was real thirsty. So she went to a Seven-Eleven and got a Slurpee where...she ran into Bullwinkle. Bullwinkle said (acted like Bullwinkle) "Hello Cinderella. Would you like to come to the ball with me? Not only am I a great dancer but you can hang your coat on my antlers." (to Danny and Jesse) Kids love this stuff. (Back to the story) So...

DJ: Gaaa! Uncle Jesse!

Jesse: So Cinderella and Bullwinkle, they get married, right? They go on the Newly Wed Game. And they win a grand prize selected especially for them. Goodnight.

Stephanie: Gaaa! Daddy.

Danny: Until the big bad wolf came on them. And he said "Open up, or I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down. And I can do it too because as we all know wolves have an amazing lung capacity."

Stephanie: Gaaa! Joey!

Joey: Sooo!!

DJ: Gaaag! Uncle Jesse!

Jesse: So the wolf, the moose, and the babe. They all fell in love, right? They move to Sweden where the people are a lot more cool about sort of things. And that's the end of the story. Goodnight and goodbye.

DJ: No monsters, no witches, but that story was very scary.

Danny: Ok sweetheart. (Kisses Stephanie) It's time to go to bed.

Stephanie: Can I ask one more favor?

Danny: Sure honey. What is it?

(Stephanie takes out a pile of books, and gives them to Danny.)

Stephanie: Study these story books. We'll talk about them in the morning.

Danny: (to Jesse and Joey) Ok. Who wants Puddle Duck and the Quack-Quack Gang?

Jesse and Joey: Read it!

[Scene4: The living room. Joey and Danny are leaving. Jesse comes down the stairs to the door with his band stuff]

Jesse: Oh, Joey, Danny. How are you guys doing. Goodnight. (opens the door. Danny stops it)

Danny: Wow, wow. Hold it, guys. Red light. Guys, the only way that three adults can leave the house at the same time is if three children are with them. Two adults can leave, one adult can leave, three, two or one child can leave with one to three adults. The three adults can never leave with three or less children. Got it?

Jesse: Look, that's all fascinating stuff. But I've got to get to band rehearsal.

Joey: Yeah. I have a 10:30 slot at the Laugh Machine.

Danny: I have to do the sports at ten o'clock. I'm sorry, Jesse.

Jesse: What do you mean "I'm sorry, Jesse"? Why not "I'm sorry, Joey" or "I'm sorry, Danny"?

Danny: Because I have an actual job that pays money.

Joey: And I bring the gift of laughter into the world at 10:30.

Jesse: Yes, well I make music. Songs that touch people's hearts, that penetrate their very souls. Now, how can you compare that to telling...jokes?

Joey: Are you seriously trying to tell me that music is more important than comedy?

Jesse: You got it, pal.

Joey: Two words. Ozzy Osbourne.

Jesse: Two more words. Rip Taylor.

Joey: The Partridge Family.

Jesse: Anyone on Hee Haw.

Joey: Charo.

Jesse: Bozo

Joey: Hey. Bozo did some brilliant work.

Jesse: Oh yeah, right, right. The early Bozo was real good. I'm sorry.

Joey: Ok. We'll settle this with the only way truly fair way. Ready? Go! (They starts running to the door. Joey gets there faster and Danny stops Jesse.) Once again comedy kicks music's butt.

Danny: I'm sorry, man. All three girls are sleeping like angels. I know I can trust you Jesse. If there's even the slightest problem...

Jesse: Yeah, yeah. Go live your life. Hey, babe, it's fine. I'll just give up my dreams to be a success in the music business. I'll sit home and read Honey Bunny in the Wee Little Glen.

Danny: I couldn't put it down.

Jesse: Get out of here.

(Danny and Joey leave. DJ and Stephanie sneak into the living room.)

DJ and Stephanie: Hi Uncle Jesse. (go to the kitchen)

Jesse: Hi, girls. (starts following them) Girls, you're supposed to be in bed, girls! Wow, wow...girls, girls...aren't you supposed to be in bed, dreaming about Tweety Bird or Big Bird or Larry Bird or something.

DJ: Uncle Jesse, if we get hungry, Dad always makes sure we have a late-night snack.

Stephanie: We're gonna have ice-cream sundaes and chocolate milk.

DJ: And cookies.

Jesse: Freeze chick! Alright, I know. I'm pretty hip here. You guys think I'm a..I'm a idiot or something? Let me tell you something. I know what's going on here. Your dad's gone and it's "Let's take advantage of the babysitter" time. I've got news for you, girls. Your Uncle Jesse is a little too sharp to be taken on that kind of ride. Now you guys can have ice cream and chocolate milk, no cookies.

Stephanie: Yeah! (DJ covers Stephanie's mouth)

DJ: Ok.

[Scene5: DJ and Stephanie's room. Stephanie is jump-roping.]

Stephanie: (singing) Hey my name is Zippy and my husband's name is Zorro. We come from San Francisco with a carload of zebras. Hey my name is Alice...

DJ: That's enough from jump rope. Let's do the hand-jive. (Doing the hand jive while Stephanie keeps jumping near DJ)

Stephanie: Ok. But I can't stop jumping. I may never sleep agin. (DJ stops her) Thanks.

DJ: Two bowls of ice cream sure gives you a lot of pep, huh?

Stephanie: Does pep mean you can't blink?

DJ: That's pep. Party time!

[Scene6: The living room. Jesse and the band are getting ready.]

Jesse: Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Fellas. I got three little girls upstairs sound asleep. Sticks. Licorice. All right. here we go. Jumpin' Jack Flash in B. Ready. One, two, three, four. (singing very quietly) I was born in a crossfire hurricane. (they stop) What's the matter? Someone out of tune? (Stephanie and DJ come down the stairs)

Stephanie: Do you guys do any Bangles stuff?

Jesse: Wow, wow girls. You're supposed to be in bed! What would your dad say about this?

DJ: He wouldn't mind. He'd say we're really lucky to have a chance to listen to the greatest rock band in the world.

Jesse: Oh well, yeah. If you put it that way, yeah, Ok.

DJ: (talking to the woman with purple hair) Great hair. Could you show me how to do that?

Raven: Sure. It's real easy. Just sprays right on.

DJ: (the doorbell rings) Oh, that's for me.

Jesse: Wow

DJ: Oh, I bet my dad forgot to tell you about our 11 o'clock pizza. (Opens the door and to the pizza guy) Hi, how much?

Pizza Guy: Eleven fifty.

DJ: Did the cheese slid off or stick to the box? (Stephanie looks into the box)

Stephanie: No.

DJ: Keep it.

Pizza Guy: Hey do you mind if I check out the band?

DJ: Come on in. Open party.

Jesse: All right, girls listen here now. It's almost midnight. You guys listen to two, three songs max, eat your pie, then straight to bed. No nonsense.

Stephanie: Boy, are you strict.

Jesse: Ready. Here we go. (They starts the music. Later, Joey comes home and sees them partying and dancing)

Joey: Conga. (everyone does the Conga. Then Danny walks in and looks at everybody) Boy, are you gonna get it.

Danny: Attention Solid Gold farm team. It's twelve fifteen and your hair is purple. (to Stephanie) Get down. And I don't mean funky. (Looks at Jesse and Joey) Boy, boys, boys. Walk with me, talk with me. (sternly) How could you possibly let this happen?!!

Joey: Hold it. On behalf of Joey, I would just like to say that Joey is innocent. Oh, it's true. I was doing a Conga when you walked in, but I Conga a lot. My name is Joey and I'm a Conga-holic.

DJ: Well, it's way past our bedtime. Come on Steph. Goodnight everybody.

Danny: Girls, get back over here. You're in just as much trouble as they are.

DJ: Dad, I know we were supposed to...

Jesse: DJ, hang on a second. It's not the girls' fault. It's mine. I invited the band over, I woke the girls up, I ordered pizza, I was throwing a party and I needed chicks. (We hear Michelle crying)

Joey: Baby alert. Beep. Beep. Baby alert!

Danny: You girls get right into bed. You guys, follow me and if that baby's hair is purple...(they go upstairs)

[Scene6: Michelle's room. Danny, Jesse, and Joey enter]

Danny: You were irresponsible You were unreliable. I'll get back to you.

Danny: Oh Michelle, oh honey, it's ok. Daddy is here. I see what this is. Michelle is getting a new tooth. Oh, that really hurts.

Jesse: I had nothing to do with it.

Danny: Poor baby. Imagine a sharp, pointy, calcified projectile ripping and knifing its way through your soft, tender, inflamed gum tissues.

Joey: I say we buy her a pony.

Danny: Sometimes a teething ring helps. Here Michelle. Here you go. Here honey. (gives Michelle a teething ring) She loves it. (Michelle throws it. Joey catches it)

Joey: Is this anything like catching the bouquet? Am I the next one to have a baby? (Michelle starts to cry.)

Jesse: All right. Excuse me, fellows. Let the pro in. I'll show you how it's done. (Puts his finger in her mouth) All right little munchkin. Where does it hurt? (she stops crying.) Oh yeah. Give my finger back, kid. (pulls it out and she starts to cry again. Then he puts it back and she stops crying.)

Danny: Well your brain's not working tonight, but your finger's doing great. Joey, do me a favor. I put one of Michelle's teething rings in the freezer. I would like a word alone with the alleged babysitter.

Joey: Jesse, I guess it's a bad time to ask for that girl singer's phone number.

Jesse: Get out of here. (Joey leaves)

Danny: Well, well, well, well, well, well.

Jesse: What, what, what, what, what, what.

Danny: Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame.

Jesse: Fell like I'm being chewed out in the Grand Canyon.

Danny: I suppose I should be happy the house is still standing. I must've been crazy to think that you were adult enough to take care of my kids. You really let me down. (starts to walk away)

Jesse: Wait a minute, where are you going?

Danny: Oh, I thought I'd call the Beastie Boys and ask them if they wanna take the girls to the park tomorrow.

Jesse: (to Michelle) You love this, don't you?

[Scene7: DJ and Stephanie's room. They are talking in the middle of the room]

Stephanie: Uncle Jesse is the best babysitter we've ever had.

DJ: Yeah, but I think he's in big trouble. (someone knocks on the door) Get in the bed. (Both of them go in DJ's bed) No no, your bed! (they start to pretend to sleep. Danny opens the door)

Danny: Girls, are you awake?

DJ: (pretending she was sleeping) Dad, is that you?

Stephanie: (doing the same as DJ) Is it morning?

Danny: DJ, Stephanie, please come over here right now. Girls, we have a problem with Uncle Jesse.

DJ: Oh, no, Dad. We didn't have any problems with Uncle Jesse at all.

Danny: I'm sorry. He was just so irresponsible. What is this? (Sees all the empty ice-cream boxes and talks sarcastically) Uh-oh?? Empty bowls and empty cartons. Oh, now I see what happened. Uncle Jesse forced ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk down your throats. And then he hid the evidence under your table. Oh, the sick fiend. He probably ignored you when you told him no sweets after bedtime, huh?

DJ: Probably.

Danny: No probably about it. Because otherwise you'd be lying. And you know better than that, don't you?

Stephanie: Probably...

Danny: Well that does it. I guess asking Uncle Jesse to move in here was just a big mistake. In fact, this may be a matter for the police. Now, sweet dreams, my perfect little angels.

DJ and Stephanie: Daddy!

Stephanie: We were bad.

DJ: We did everything. We even ordered the pizza. We should all go and apologize to Uncle Jesse.

Danny: You're right. You go first.

DJ: Are you gonna punish us?

Stephanie: Before you answer that, we saved you a slice of pizza.

[Scene8: Michelle's room. Jesse still has his finger in Michelle's
mouth]

Jesse: Good point, Michelle. The thing I wonder is, what's life all about anyway. I mean 24 hours ago I was a relatively cool guy. Today, I'm a six-foot teething ring. All right bedtime. We're going to my bed. Come with me, Come on. Let's go. (picks her up) Ok hang on. I'll put it back. (puts his finger in her mouth) There you go. Come with me. (goes out of the room and runs into DJ and Stephanie in the hall)

DJ: Uncle Jesse.

Jesse: (sternly) Whatever it is, the answer is no.

(They all enter Jesse's room.)

DJ: We just wanted to say thanks for trying to keep us out of trouble. The only reason we took advantage of you is because you had no idea what you were doing.

Stephanie: From now on, we'll be good and do whatever you say.

DJ: Steph, don't get crazy. (to Jesse) We'll try to do better.

Stephanie: You can cover up my bunnies if you want.

Jesse: That's all right. Your bunnies are starting to grow on me.

Stephanie: We really love you.

Jesse: I love you girls too. (sternly) But next time you pull that stuff on me.. (nicely) I'm still gonna love you. (they hug)

(Danny comes in)

Danny: Okay, now either you girls go to bed for real, or I'm taking everything out of your room and turning it into a 24-hour mini-mart.

DJ: Goodnight, everybody.

Stephanie: Goodnight daddy. Goodnight Michelle. Goodnight Uncle Jesse.

Danny: Goodnight honey. (DJ and Stephanie leave and to Jesse) Hi.

Jesse: Hi

Danny: Want a slice of pizza?

Jesse: No. Me and the little leech are gonna try to get some sleep. (Joey comes in)

Joey: I couldn't find Michelle's teething ring, so I got the next best thing. An ice-cold carrot. Well I could've bought the fish sticks, but you guys would've thought I was an idiot.

Danny: Look Jesse. I want you to know that was really nice of you to take the rap for DJ and Stephanie. And I'm real sorry, I got so crazy before walking around you going "Well, well, well."

Jesse: It's cool, cool, cool.

Danny: The girls just mean so much to me. Especially now, you know, since Pam's gone.

Jesse: I know what you're saying, man, I worry about them too. They're my nieces. Ha..but I don't know nothing about this kid stuff.

Danny: Yeah, I know, but both of you guys, you gotta remember, don't be afraid to say no. Kids need limits.

Jesse: What am I supposed to know? I've been here twelve hours. You're expecting me to be Robert Young.

Joey: Now, wait, I'm confused. Is it Robert Young from "Father Knows Best", or Robert Young "Dr. Welby?"

Danny: This is gonna take some time. But we can make this work if we want it to work. Jesse, you do want this to work, don't you?

Jesse: Oh, at first I wasn't sure. But, I don't know, when I saw that kid, tell me I could cover her bunnies up, and I was looking at that little baby in my arms, counting on me to stop her from being in pain. I don't know man. I got all warm and tingling. Somebody stop me.

Joey: You know, I'm just happy to be here. I was an only child. All I had was imaginary brothers and sisters. It feels great to be in a real house with real people. Right Leon?

Danny: Give me my kid. (takes Michelle from Joey. To Michelle) Ok Michelle, time to go to bed. Yeah. (singing) Lullaby and goodnight, and there's more words I'm not sure of....

Joey: Conga. (Everyone starts doing the Conga)

Jesse: What the hell. Come on Leon.

第1シーズン 第1話「ごちゃまぜ一家誕生」Our Very First Show（英語のみ）
http://www.thebelltree.com/fullhouse-script/archives/2022/06/1_1our_very_fir.html
第1話「ごちゃまぜ一家誕生」Our Very First Show（英語のみ）...

第1話「ごちゃまぜ一家誕生」Our Very First Show（日本語訳付き）
http://www.thebelltree.com/fullhouse-script/archives/2022/06/1our_very_first.html
第1話「ごちゃまぜ一家誕生」Our Very First Show（日本語訳付...

第2話「子守唄はロックンロール」Our Very First Night（英語のみ）
http://www.thebelltree.com/fullhouse-script/archives/2022/06/2our_very_first.html
第2話「子守唄はロックンロール」Our Very First Night（英語...